Almost Lisa: Pt 18, “Almost numb”

Almost Lisa: Pt 18,   “Almost numb”

HIRAETH-

(n.) a homesickness for a home to which you cannot return,

a home which maybe never was, the nostalgia, the yearning,

the grief for the lost places of your past

Who can relate?

I used to get excited about things. There was inspiration everywhere, always. But over the past decade or so, everything has been dumbed-down, over-simplified, RE-peated, RE-hashed, RE-visited...8 billion people on the planet, but we're fed the same ideas, again and again. Music is now predictable and uninspiring, true fashion is nearly non-existent, architecture (commercial and residential) has become carbon copy and pre-fabricated, and most of what is seen on television is fairly predictable.

Why did we start regressing as a society? Did we choose this? Artists are the motivators and inspiration for communication, growth and progress. Big Corp silences our Creatives and makes them to seem unimportant and devalued.

We are now on the other side of the Sag- Aftra strike which lasted 118+ days. Entertainment professionals have been forced into homelessness, sacrificed their health needs, forgone necessary surgeries and cancer treatments, some have left the business, and some even taken their lives. There is blood on the hands of the AMPTP which diligently employed the entertainment Trades to propagate misinformation and false narratives, confusing the general public and driving a wedge between members of all the labor unions in Hollywood who remain desperate to get back to work. No fault of Sag-Aftra as negotiations could not resume until the WGA had a contract, which took over 100 strike days due to the AMPTP's unwillingness to negotiate terms. Sag-Aftra received not only that same bad faith treatment, but the weight and criticism of the members of every labor union to make a deal. A deal can only happen where both parties sit down to negotiate. And the AMPTP had only participated in less than 14 days of negotiations the entire strike prior to this agreement. Now, the ratified contract has union members at each others throats for fear of all of our careers and futures. 

    Cue Christmas cheer!!!

How am I? I'm not well. I still have a roof over my head, for now. But I often wake in a panic that everything I've worked for and sacrificed for has been stripped from me, yet again. Time has never been my friend. I'm scared that there's no room for me in this fake tech world. That I'm becoming that proverbial grape dying on the vine. I deserve better. I've always deserved and strived for better.

Energy is never idle. It's either expanding or it is shrinking. Without inspiration, there's no growth. Without growth, there is death. I log online and see the same things, over and over again. I turn on the television and see the same things, over and over again. And don't get me started on music! Auto-tune was meant to enhance but eventually replaced the need for any real Talent (your welcome, sound engineers). You'll never convince me there aren't still innovators and creative Geniuses in the world. I am one of them. But these days you have to be popular to be famous, and famous to be heard, for others to invest in or associate with you. While we all inherently know that popularity isn't synonymous with talent OR ability, things are the way they are. And they will diminish further.

I don't know about the rest of you, but my soul hurts. Deeply. Everything of value is dying. Everything feels stagnant. The whole world got excited about money and it has stifled us as human beings. We've lost compassion. We've lost connection, forging social media "social lives", mining for insignificant attention from strangers online via likes and follows. When was the last time you really felt seen or heard? Not just treated as an audience for something or someone elses “Brand”?

I'm tired. Beyond this hell of a journey I've been on. All of the joy in my life emanates from my own efforts. There is no joy from the outside coming in. I don't have much tribe here. I don't have my people who's faces light up when I walk in a room cuz they are happy and excited to see me. The people whose Joy is my joy and my joy is theirs. On top of the isolation, the most challenging aspect of my life is the constant grief which can't be quantified because there isn't essentially any tangible loss. I'm grieving things I either never had or which nearly came to fruition. The almost. The not quite. The just about. How do you find closure in these absences? It's literally why I began to write this blog. Not because I'm empty inside for the pain, it's the opposite. I am absolutely chock-full of love and dreams and ideas with no place to put them. I'm overcrowded. Under pressure. 

 

I've now self-published 12 photography books (with another on the way) which I can not sell to the public because the cost to produce them myself makes them un-affordable / overpriced. I have a box full of over 4,000 of my original fashion designs and not the slightest idea where to shop them given the way “fashion” has changed over the years.

 

I've written movie scripts which are near impossible to get to capable filmmakers to make, but I hesitate to shop them because I'm not protected enough by intellectual property law as a “no-name”. I've published this Blog which gets little to no traction as it floats in a sea of other blogs and writings all over the Web.

I've produced beautiful artwork which sits, un-promoted, in art galleries which favor their friends and favorites and take 40% of sales of my work. The general public doesn't value photography much these days because they think their cellphone cameras make them photographers (and if they can't get the shot themselves, they'll just steal if from online). Everywhere, everyday, in every opportunity, its "FUCK ARTISTS". Where do I fit into a world like this? I'm a Creative. If our voices keep getting stifled, replaced and silenced, where will we as a society be when original thoughts and ideas dry up (or die on that vine)?

      Behold. AI  :/

I'm not gonna lie, I deeply resent that instead of solving real challenges in the world, the “decision-makers” (i.e. wall street financiers and CEO's) decided that AI would replace all things HUMAN. Artists, writers, actors, architects, vocalists, public speakers, news anchors, those with original ideas and unique problem-solving and creative abilities. It will forever confound me that so many in positions of financial and political influence choose to be selfish villains instead of respected heroes. Who wouldn't want to be Batman?! Likely because they have no skills or talents themselves. Complete idiots can be politicians, CEO's, rich, famous, “influential", etc. My generation may be the last to require- even demand- skill and ability. Everything is “branded” now. Everything is sampled, auto-tuned, fixed in post, and fed to AI.

“ The Earth without ART is just 'eh'”. Period.

                                                                    ~

                                                 “ODE” by Aurthur O'Shaughnessy

    We are the music makers,                                         Great hail! we cry to the comers

        And we are the dreamers of dreams,                            From the dazzling unknown shore;

    Wandering by lone sea-breakers,                               Bring us hither your sun and your summers;

        And sitting by desolate streams;                                   And renew our world as of yore;

    World-losers and world-forsakers,                              You shall teach us your song's new numbers,

        On whom the pale moon gleams:                                 And things that we dreamed not before:

    Yet we are the movers and shakers                            Yea, in spite of a dreamer who slumbers,

        Of the world for ever, it seems.                                    And a singer who sings no more.

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