ALMOST LISA : Pt 5, “Almost Role Model?”
ALMOST LISA : Pt 5, “Almost Role Model?”
"I
believe if you cannot find a Role Model, you must become one.”
The 2020 Covid Pandemic completely shut down Hollywood and much of the world, leaving many without work and income for over a year. A year without a paycheck in my industry meant no residuals (aka “royalties”) moving forward. And due to alleged (*ahem*) mismanagement of funds by our union (Sag-Aftra) and poor negotiations on our contracts, it was already more challenging then ever for members to secure employment and earn income in Entertainment. The Industry shutdown would prove devastating for many career professionals, already barely hanging on. I was not ready for another major financial challenge.
Nothing but time on our hands and nowhere to go, many preoccupied themselves with social media as a creative outlet. For me, not much changed. I was already isolated and hyper-creative. I got busy sewing, singing, dancing, drawing, sharing anything and anything I made via social media. I made dresses and jackets, crooned show tunes (best I could), wrote scripts, redesigned my home, revamped business materials, shot photos (of myself, to be safe) and constantly worked out. Anything to evade the nonstop barrage of disinformation and scare tactics the news spun, daily.
The first few months were artistically productive (if not redundant). Most everything shut down. There were no doctors visits (thankfully, no emergencies either for me during this time), grocery shopping was planned and strategized, I saw no friends or colleagues except for what they posted online. I was unemployed and paying Los Angeles rent.
The few jobs I managed to book in 2020 were chaos as each production had its own safety protocols which changed daily as new information came in regarding transmission of the virus. One of my gigs required two extensive fittings via Zoom. A PA had to drop off the entirety of their wardrobe selects (three filled garment bags and two shopping bags) on my doorstep for me to try on- online- for the producers and director, then collect all of it afterward and put it all under a UV light. Another job required technology which was set-up outside my door and entrusted to me for the duration of the shoot in my own apartment, then collected and sanitized afterward. Days on actual sets were like vacations. Endless covid-testing left my nose raw, but I was thrilled for any opportunity to work and keep my health benefits.
Out of the blue, I received an
email from a fellow Heights High School alumni asking if I would
consider his support for the Cleveland Heights Alumni Association ‘s
2020 honoree ceremony. This was a surprise. I was fairly unrelatable
and too busy to become popular in High School. I'd also been feeling
terribly invisible for quite some time. That one or any of my
colleagues remembered and was inspired by my life's successes enough
to nominate me was touching. I've always been aware that my career
choice is exciting and special. I just thought no one cared about the
96% of us who aren't famous and wealthy. As it turned out, I was
voted in by my peers and the upcoming graduating student body.
That got my attention.
Because I never had a role model or mentor growing up, because I figured everything out on my own, because we were not wealthy and I had to work and earn everything, because I passed on any support/ help which required/ forced me to compromise my integrity ... I value opportunity to uplift and inspire youth to achieve greatness in whatever life and career goals they hold. So in the middle of a pandemic (at the most personally and professionally challenging and uncertain time of my life) I had to suck it up and represent the values and tenacity I’d sworn to, which ultimately helped me achieve my Dreams. Alone, in my apartment, in a Zoom- broadcast ceremony, with my parents watching in Cleveland, I became a 2020 CH-UH Distinguished Alumni Hall of Famer. One of a long and impressive list of successful grads from my incredible, public Alma Matter.
____
Flashback: So many opportunities for me growing up were missed due to financial hardship and shortcomings. My family was far from wealthy. Lack and necessity compelled me to get a job at 14-15 and start earning for myself. I knew if I didn't, I’d have nothing. And I took pride in never asking my parents for help (they were handling enough). Problem was, I was more talented than I was privileged. Other kids took lessons, attended festivals, enrolled in special classes, got in the rooms where opportunities were, etc. I had to find- or create- my own.
One opportunity did find me after Eastman. I was in rehearsal in a theater in Manhattan, spending down-time sketching in my design book. I’d always loved fashion and had invented a style of designing on a template which allowed me to continuously pen ideas on a form. What started as doodles very quickly became 100′s, then 1000′s of original fashion designs (I had a lot of down time). At some point, my work caught the attention of the administrator of the Fashion Institute of Technology (FIT) who admitted me to the school, purely on my illustrations and submission materials. I went to admissions week, excited to venture into yet another creative world I enjoyed, but because I already acquired a degree from another entity, I was denied housing and was already up to my eyeballs in student loans. So I could not attend. Instead, I made event dresses (using very limited sewing skills) for myself and friends, and some of my designs became intricate pen & ink illustrations to be collected by private art and fashion enthusiasts (and still are today). But I always think about the time I “almost” became a fashion designer.
____
Financial shortcoming remained a thorn in my side. No matter how hard I hustled or how many jobs I booked, being an actor in Hollywood is an expensive undertaking. Especially when you go it all alone, with no mentor or guidance. Especially when unprecedented circumstances start digging into your savings. It’d taken over 20 years to amass a couple of years savings, and one pandemic to all but take it away.
A couple of months after The Alumni ceremony, I made the incredibly difficult decision to move to Atlanta, Georgia. By now, the Entertainment industry had partially migrated out of Hollywood and established production in many other states. Georgia had seen major motion pictures for years by now. It was dubbed “Hollywood South” (or “Y’allywood” for the locals).
My decision wasn't purely an
industry one, though there was no way I was going to abandon a career
I’d built from the ground up, one I was made for. I’d
also exhausted both UCLA and Cedar Sinai’s medical staff to the
point I could not find any “care” (save for a terrific
hematologist and rheumatologist who tirelessly helped me monitor my
condition and make referrals where they could). There was no way of
knowing what the pandemic would bring moving forward or how I would
continue (after 18 years) to thrive. I figured I’d save a little
money (I was paying $1700/month for a one-bedroom in LA, gas was
above $5.50/G at the time, both were rising) by moving to a more
affordable location and reestablishing myself in a new community. The
goal was to get back to work, keep my health benefits, maybe see my
parents more, and get better. Despite not having a large Tribe
or many close relationships, there was a voice in the back of
my mind, telling me I was abandoning Hollywood and a lifestyle I
loved. But get busy doing or get busy- literally- dying, so I
lightened my load and migrated back East.
(to be continued...)
*I retain all rights to my story, likeness, biographical information, quotes, poetry, photography, photos, fashion designs, art work, and all of my own creation represented herewithin*
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