Almost Lisa - pt 4, "Almost Dead"

 

Almost Lisa - pt 4, "Almost Dead

“What would you do if you knew you only had a finite amount of time to live? Why aren't you doing those things now?”

It was 2012 when I almost died after an industry UFC party. I left early, not feeling well (admittedly, I'd overindulged on foods I never consumed at home). By 10pm my stomach was bloated and in pain. I called a friend who had been at the party to ask what to do. I didn't have health insurance at that time (in my industry, you earn coverage by the hours worked and dollars earned. There hadn't been a ton of jobs as of late). He insisted I let him scoop me up and take me to Cedars Sinai, then worry about the bills later. I was terrified an ER visit would bankrupt me, but an hour later I was nauseous and starting to sweat. So I Acquiesced.

The good thing about having a former race car driver as a bestie is how fast they can navigate LA traffic to rescue you in an emergency. The swelling in my stomach was worsening and the pressure was painful. I managed to make it to the porch steps, locked up the house, and sunk to my knees, leaning over a plant in case I threw up. I heard the tires screech to a stop in the drive way, the door open, and footsteps, just as I passed out. As I came-to in the passenger seat, there was Jimmy, speeding me off to Cedars, sipping a hot beverage. I asked my friend “you stopped for coffee?”. Then passed out again.

At the hospital, over an hour passed and I could no longer bear the pressure on my internal organs. I leaned over to Jim and said I needed a bed, STAT. He took one look at me and was ON IT.  Suddenly the whole staff was rushing me into a room in a panic. Someone was talking to me. I heard the word “Dilauded” as a nurse fed a line into my arm. Just before I passed out again, the doctor asked my bestie to help me out of my clothes (nooooooo!). Jimmy told me years later that I’d turned gray.

The next morning around 5am I awakened to a Mount Rushmore of doctors, standing at the foot of my bed with pens and clipboards (two of them didn't look old enough to buy alcohol). I stayed in the hospital for 6 more days, given a battery of of expensive tests, then was discharged with my paperwork and a financial assistance application. But no explanation of what had happened. For the next ten years I suffered- silently- through the US Health Care system. Specialist after specialist. My digestion getting worse under all of their “expertise”.

There were countless days after I would have to work feeling less than optimal. Often hanging in a harness or crashing through things. Still wearing bikinis and lingerie in theatrical and print jobs. No matter what change of diet, supplementation or which specialist I saw, I could never stop my digestive organs from suddenly swelling or causing me grief (though I found a way to mitigate the extent of this by cutting things out. Like gluten and dairy- *sniff).  None of it made sense. I was an athlete most my life, never touched alcohol, cigarettes or drugs, ate organic and clean, avoided chemicals and pesticides... My body had been full of energy, fit, comfortable, sexual. Now, it was just a burden.

Health issues slowly isolated me from the communities I enjoyed spending time in. I never knew if I was going to feel well enough to make plans. I stopped dressing up. My wardrobe leaned in the favor of comfort, forgoing the usual fashion I loved (including fashion I designed and sewed. I’ll come back to that part later). Where before I never had to think about my physical body, now I could never escape it. The worst part was still being sexually objectified by men in the Biz while doing everything in my power to dress down and blend in. I was no longer able to enjoy and celebrate a body I’d only just come to love, appreciate and explore for myself. As time went on, I got worse. I could see the change in my face and in my confidence. But the Show must go on...

“Some of my greatest accomplishments in life are the result of self education, self discipline and tenacity. I've always believed that if you are passionate about something, you will find a way. You will learn. “

I learned early in life not to rely on others (my family taught me this first).  If I wanted something, I had to figure it out, alone. Thus, I’d taught myself portrait photography and began taking my own professional head shots. Then editing my own work reels. I even built my website from the ground up. Occasionally, I’d do some of these things for others. When I saw someone struggling financially, I’d help them for free. My intentions were always to either pick people up or leave them alone. I never wanted anyone to suffer the isolation and disappointment I’d come to identify with.

The following years were all work and not much play. I quickly found that saying “no” too many times to invites resulted in lack of further inclusion. For someone who never really fit in to begin with (and intimidated others, apparently), this was especially challenging. I yearned for a social life. Instead, I put all of my attention into my job and toward improving my health.

I was still, occasionally, booking theatrical roles. But stunt work had become a steady stream of income and opportunity for me. I'd established myself enough to be working regularly. As trust in my abilities grew, larger, more high-profile jobs came my way. I was thrilled. I earned it, the right way.

For a while, life was almost life again. In between gigs, I traveled every couple of years (as affordable) and continued to produce Art and Photography. My automotive work found its way into homes and offices, and I created a social media page to begin sharing my “eye” with the world. Creativity was certainly flowing. Savings were growing. My boat was in the river again, and the waters flowed.

In between auditions, gigs and bookings, I managed to write and produce a short form one-woman show (which I performed in Hollywood at the Broadwater Theater), and co-produced/ cast/ starred in a film which made the festival circuits, gaining several awards for cast and ensemble (I brought home a “Best Actress” award, just before taking off to Thailand and Cambodia on another photographic excursion). There were also stunt awards shows, red carpet events... the usual Hollywood to-do. Finally, I was dressing up and being seen. Only now, I was feeling bloated and tired, and I didn't want to!

In late 2019, I was in meetings with a fellow actor colleague and an Italian director he’d been collaborating with regarding a role in their feature. It was a good one. One I could get my artistic teeth into. Needless to say, I was excited for the inclusion. We’d hashed out the wardrobe and location issues and set dates to film. Then, something incredulous happened.

        (to be continued...)

 

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